Weird Thoughts of an Ex-seminarian

Can I trust you with something? This is not actually a top secret. Nevertheless, I don’t tell it just to anyone else. But since you are my classmates and I love you, I will. Well, this is actually a rendition of the weird thoughts of me being an ex-seminarian so I don’t expect everyone to understand what I am talking about.
My first dilemma when I went out of the seminary is the fact that I have to answer the question, “Why did you go out of the seminary?” not just for one time but I guess, for every now and then. And it’s quite irritating that it is as if I owe everyone an explanation and I need to answer each and every sub-question thereof like “do you have a girlfriend?” or “do you plan to go back?” Hello! What I wanted to say then is it is none of your business anymore. But to be more kind and patient, I’ll just control my temper, wipe off the sweat on my forehead (because it’s as if I’m on a hot seat), and answer with a big smile on my face. Anyways, their final comment that “you are too good looking just to be a priest” is quite rewarding. If they say the latter with all honesty or it is just to appease the time they have consumed, I really don’t know. But if they tell the truth, it is an assurance on my behalf that if in any case that I will decide not to go back in the seminary anymore, at least, it would not be hard for me to court someone else. And in the end, if my would-be wife will be beautiful, then my children will surely be beautiful.
But do you know what I miss most in my former life in the seminary? It is not the daily eggs you get for breakfast in the refectory (because if you are in the seminary, you’ll probably have boiled eggs on Monday, a sunny side up on Tuesday, a scrambled one on Wednesday, torta on Thursdays, omelet on Fridays, salty eggs on Saturdays and “itlog ng pugo” for Sundays). I am also not referring to the way I have to pull myself out of my own bed every 5:30 in the morning for me not to be late for morning prayers. Neither do I refer to my brother classmates who seem to know every crazy way to make me laugh… and cry.
You know what I can’t get over to until now? It is the simple feeling of contentment, something that gives you a serenity that you are on your way to what your heart desires. How deep? But you know, despite this longing that seems to be an assurance that I’m really for the clerical life, I’m still proud that I decided to go out of the seminary. At least, I have given myself a chance to realize the most important thing that I should look forward to in my seminary life, it is the unwavering desire to search for what my heart really wanted.