Happy New Year!

Every year should be a solace for each and everyone of us. Let us just remember to count the blessings of the past, to forget the bitterness of our yesterday, and to continue searching for what’s really up for us… Happy New Year!

Aaron Restua’ 2008

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year sa akin!!!

What would I be?

What would I be?

Got no Title for Christmas...

When I was younger, I used to think of Christmas as a season that would bring a lot of gifts for me. I even thought that Christmas was a special excuse to receive gifts even if my birthday was completely over more than two months earlier. What I know then is only to receive them and perhaps, to say thank you afterwards. Who would have said that the world does not revolve on me, receiving much and many more? Besides, they say that Christmas is for kids. But now I'm not anymore a kid and even if I'm still quite young, I'd sooner or later be one of those who give gifts for godchildren. If Christmas then is for children, then I'll never be happy anymore in the coming years for I'll no longer be one of them who awaits Christmas. Would Christmas be not for me anymore just like before?
It sounds peculiar but this feeling, I guess, is inevitably felt by young-adults like me. It might be a product of melancholic nostalgia yet; on the other hand, this must imply something creative. Who says that Christmas is really meant for kids? Isn't it the other way around?
You might ask why but the real essence of Christmas is apparently rooted on how an adult Jesus of Nazareth dared to give his life on behalf of our salvation. Let us look at it this way, when Jesus was still young, he has received gifts from the magi. But in turn, more than thirty years later, he gave the best gift for everyone to receive.
When the time comes that I'll no longer be receiving those gifts because it's my turn to give, I'd rather be proud than stare on the bitterness of the expenses they might cost me for it is Jesus himself who taught us that Christmas is not about receiving but it is about giving. Then, we could say that Christmas is not really for children. Rather, it is for adults because it is their chance to be like Jesus. And besides, Christmas would be useless if the Child Jesus was born for non-sense. Let us bear in mind that like Jesus, we are born for a reason.

A Light inside the Flower?

Call me unfit to be in this present age yet I still cannot comprehend why plastic yellow flowers with a light bulb within are considered as Christmas ornaments. Did they have any connection to the birth of Jesus? Are they even connected to any Christmas custom of a country called Neverland or Andeleisha? They are not even similar to poinsettias. I still cannot see a connection of a sunflower (if those are sunflowers) to Christmas. Have you known why? If you have an answer, please drop by my friendster account or e-mail me at aaronrestua@yahoo.com or do visit my blogspot at www.heiroftheoverman.blogspot.com and leave some comments. If you are a wonder wanderer like me, try contemplating the lighted flowers adorning the lawns of the rotonda in lower Session road. What are those doing there if Panagbenga is set on February? Thank you very much. Have a Flowery Christmas!!! Hohoho…

The Lighter Side of Darkness

Are you afraid of the dark? No, this is not about brownouts nor power shortage problems nor any Meralco project and their stupid award for the most lighted house this Christmas as if saying that it’s all right to waste electricity despite much demise they deliver afterwards. This is about darkness and how it is always associated to evil forces and the like. Much to my surprise, others would see dusk as the time when demonic forces turn out in their supremacy over us. Devoting darkness as an attribute of the evil is not just contributions by mere beliefs of the old folklores but our contemporary movies as well as they show frightening creatures manifesting themselves in the darkness of the night. Others would even assume that to be born or to die as the sun is about to set is not so pleasing and for others, bad luck. Now, if night is meant to be an attribute of evil, why have God chosen the longest of them to be the time of Christ’s birth? Well, at least, why have he allowed it to be celebrated on Christmas Eve?
Always remember: If God is indeed a God, He holds supremacy over all, even in the darkness.
Let us just figure it out in simple terms: Christmas lights would not be much appreciated unless it is placed in the dark, a candle too would be senseless if not amidst darkness. Jesus Christ in His turn was born amidst darkness to prove one thing, that God is supreme over all. And yes, He rules even out of darkness. Clive Staples Lewis seeks to give an answer through his analysis on the problem of pain which is quite similar to that of St. Thomas Aquinas’ answer to the problem of evil. The question would necessarily project the argument that if God ever existed, there would be no evil and no pain since He would lord over all and hence, evil or pain cannot exist. The answer would be as simple as saying that God is so good that even out of evil or pain, He seeks to bring out goodness. I’ll just say that God is so good that even out of darkness, He dared to shed light upon mankind and that most beautiful light that is no other than Jesus.
So the next time that you’re caught upon the dark, just remember that light would not look in its best without darkness.

Why not Celebrate Christmas on my Birthday?

Have you ever questioned why Christmas falls on December 25? No body can really be certain about the exact date of the birth of the Jesus of Nazareth because no part of the Sacred Scripture will implicitly tell us that the Christ’s birth happened on the 25th except from the periscope where it tells us about the census conducted by the authorities of that time. And besides, the Jewish calendar is quite different from the Gregorian one that we follow today. Their concept of celebrating a feast on a particular day is also quite different from us. A day for celebrations usually starts on the dusk of the preceding day. Hence, we shall see that the feast of the Passover starts through a dinner to be shared by Jewish families. But why celebrate it on the 25th anyway if the date is not necessarily that one? Or the perennial question that I ask myself: why not celebrate it on the day of my birthday?
The eve of December 24 up to the dawn of December 25 is characterized as the day in the calendar wherein the night seems to be the longest throughout the year. Hence, it is part of the Church’s tradition to speak of the birth of the Christ in the longest of the nights that is perhaps implied by the star followed by the Magi. This was however not the first case because originally, the date is set on the 6th of January. However, a pagan ritual regarding the winter solstice that is set on the eve of December 24 seems to have been taken into account and is celebrated festively better than Christ’s birth. That is why it has been decided to transfer the celebration on that day perhaps to overshadow the colors of the pagan ritual.
In our local customs, the Philippines is seen to be celebrating Christmas starting from the 16th of December and culminates it on the feast of the Three Kings. This custom covers 9 days more than the traditional 12 days of other countries. Others would even say that Christmas season officially starts when the ber-months strike. The practice is much earlier in comparison to other countries. It is because the Philippines is the only country recognized by the pontificate in celebrating the 9 dawn masses in preparation for Christmas day. But have you ever known that even if Filipinos start the Christmas season early, they also end it early.
Taking into account the calendar of the Church, the celebration of the day of the magi is not the formal end of Christmas season. It is also not referring to the local feast of the holy child. Christmas season formally ends in the solemnity of Christ’s Baptism. Differences are due to cultural interpretation of the season.
Would it matter? Is it wrong? It is not, I suppose. The Church is following two dominant aspects, the scriptures and traditions and they supplement each other. Traces of this so-called “inculturation” and “appropriation” practice may be inferred from the practices of early Christians as early as the time of St. Paul when they admitted non-Jews and uncircumcised people for Baptism.
It was not my mere intent to justify the long-lived traditional date for Christmas. Moreover, one should realize that the message seems to tell us that since the date for Jesus’ birth is really uncertain and is at times dependent upon cultural practices and variation. Hence, it is upon us to make every day a Christmas day. As long as one feel treating it so, Christmas spirit and the values it reminds us should be kept not just on a cold December day but all throughout the year.

On Christmas and Ads

Christmas has always been a season that even the world of TV ads seems to celebrate. We know that apart from the 5-minute long thematic Station IDs of the giant networks, there would always be these 30 second long commercials expressing how products can be enjoyed throughout the season. Hasty enough to make their ads fitting for the time being Christmas, others would just dare to project even a beer-party session of Manny Pacquiao on a Christmas eve together with friends from the showbiz industry. All of those yearly concepts and much money spent for airtime just for the heck of saying Merry Christmas and a concealed plead to buy their products. But can anyone of them make a difference from the rest? Can anyone of them project some endearing values that are very timely not just for any Christmas season but for perennial occurrences as well? I can answer yes if and only if you will agree with me. One proof, I guess, is the latest Christmas ad by a fastfood chain. Even if the same purpose to sell their products is apparent, it seems that it elates itself apart from the others by touching the heart of viewers especially the mothers. If you haven’t had the time to watch it, it goes this way:
It was just a lazy day and malling might have been the great minute’s escape of the mother from tiring household chores though not much of them because she has to carry her child. If not, it may be a scheduled day for near-Christmas shopping in a tight budget. That may be the precise reason why the mother cautions her child not to ask for anything. The day’s twist turns when the child noticed the mother’s eyeglasses as it fell off in its rightful position perhaps out of a loose tread or a semi-broken part. The mother tried to fix it before she found her child running towards a boutique. At first, it seemed for the mother that the child is about to break her golden rule not to ask for things to be bought for him. To her surprise, the boy is about to buy, out of his own savings, a new eyeglasses for her saying that it would be his Christmas gift for her. The mother, touched by the boy’s warm attempt to give him a gift asked about the boy’s wish who later on found himself feasting over his favorite fastfood meal.
No I am not on the company’s payroll and much less can I claim that I’m a discreet part of that fastfood stuff. But I can’t keep on stopping by at the front of the television whenever I chance upon their latest Christmas ad, which I suppose, has much more to say than mere station ID’s of the giant TV networks that were made to rival the creation of the other and for rating’s domain. The projection of values in a mother-child relationship: this, I suppose, is what makes this latest TV ad stand out from the rest that were merely portraying a mock Korean love story over a serving of jjamppong or that of an herb supplement portraying a man running backwards saying that he is stronger.
The pedagogical nature of the ad might have been hidden in the way the short-lived story communicates itself to the heart of those who would chance upon it in their television screens and how they seem to stop for a while and ponder on its message. More than mere attraction to invite viewers to treat their child in their favorite fastfood chain, it makes children realize how they can do something to make their parents happy. Most of the times, it is not just about mere gifts that children try to offer for their parents on Christmas eve but the intentions of a son or a daughter to recognize them. More to what a simple attempt to make them happy by simple acts of generosity, parents tend to see these ways as acts of love not just repaying their efforts in parenting but an eternal reward to keep for the rest of their lives.

No harm in praying

Almighty and ever living God, you bless your people with eternal graces that flow beyond the things that this world can offer. We thank you dear Father for gathering us as one family here today under the shadow of your love. May we always seek to justify our actions in accordance to Your Divine plan. May we never seek ways that would hurt you in any way. Remove all our pride so that we may be able to do things not just for ourselves but for the people around us as well.

Lord, bless our families. Bless our friends. But above all, bless our beloved country especially now that it is passing through much political turmoil. Please teach each and every one of us that amidst this world filled with hatred, we can be the seed of love; that amidst much injuries, we can deliver pardon; that amidst doubt, we can spread faith; that amidst despair, we can bring hope; that even in darkness, we can be the shining light; and in times of sadness, we can be the bringer of joy. Lord, we seek for unity and peace. Deliver us away from greed and selfishness which are the evils of this world.

As we remain here today, we ask you to look upon all of us. We are your lowly children. Embrace all of us with your guidance and give us the wisdom to know the difference and help us to play the better part. We ask all of these in the name of Jesus Christ your son who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. AMEN.

Got one hazardous moment?

Ok, I know that i'm still young enough to believe that sooner or later, I would cease to be... (Hey dear philosophers, it is the metaphysical wording of death?) If ever death would greet me soon from now, I really don't know what's next... Would I still keep on asking about why did He ever let me live in this world? I just don't know... Would a moment at peace matter to leave behind a thousand moment of dying over and over again?

Of a dozen hatred and betrayal..

I don't have much time lately... The following is an e-mail of a good friend, Glen... (the one wearing polo diagonally striped with gray and black lines...

Sabi ko sa isang kaibigan, “kailangan nating harapin ang katotohanan, kahit ito’y masakit, kahit pa madurog nito ang ating puso at buong pagkatao” napakadaling sabihin, pero napakahirap gawin…sa dalawapung taon kong nabubuhay sa tinatawag na mundo, sabi nila dapat daw maging masaya na ko, dahil halos lahat ng bagay nasa akin, nandyan ang napakasaya at mapagmahal na pamilya, may kaya kami sa buhay, matalino, gwapo at maraming kaibigan. Pero minsan itinanong ko sa sarili ko, paano kung hindi ako napunta sa pamilyang kinabibilangan ko, kung hindi ako naging may kaya, kung hindi ako naging matalino, may kaibigan kaya ako? Maraming mga tanong sa isip ko, na hanggang sa ngayon hindi ko pa rin masumpungan ang mga kasagutan….isa na nga rito kung dapat nga ba kong maging masaya sa kung anong meron ako ngayon?
Marami nang naging bahagi ng buhay ko, mga kaibigan kung tawagin, pero karamihan sa kanila, ginamit lang ako, inabuso kung anong meron ako, inabuso ang kabaitan ko. Oo, ako si Glenn na manlalait, maraming kahinaan, pero lahat ng mga nakadugtong sa buhay ko na mali , pinipilit kong balutan ng magagandang gawain. Pero hindi nila alam yun, tanging ako at ang nasa itaas ang piping saksi sa mga bagay na yun. Ang tanging nakikita ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin ay ang mga kahinaan ko. Kahit pa ang mga taong malalapit sa akin, puro ang mga mali ko lang nakikita.
Si Glen, kilala yan bilang matatag, matapang, pranka, manlalait, mayabang…ano pa ba? Magtanong ka sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya, ang sasabihin nila sa’yo. “si Glenn???" bakla ‘yan, malambot, maarte, manlalait, mayabang, masama ugali, ano pa??? marami pa, alam ko un…nararamdaman ko yun..sino ba sila para husgahan ako??? Lahat ba ng nakikita ng mata, tama? Lahat ng nadidinig ng tainga, tama? Karamihan sa tao, kahit pa mga taong itinuring kong kapatid ko, kapuso at kapamilya, mariringgan mo nyan.. ano bang tama sa mundo? Magsalita ka, mali ! Tumahimik ka, mali ! Ano pang tama??? oo, gasgas na, na ako lang nakakakilala sa sarili ko, pero un ang totoo!
Ngayon??? Ano nararamdaman ko??? Masakit, hirap na hirap, hinang-hina…hindi ko alam kung sino dapat kausapin, hindi ko alam kung sino makakaintindi sa akin, wala na yatang kayang umintindi sa akin??? Kahit pa yung tinatakbuhan ng lahat, hindi rin naman magsasalita! nandun lang sa krus, nakatingin sa'yo...Saan ko ilalagay ang sarili ko, saan ako magsisimula??? Saan ako pupunta???? Saan? Hirap na hirap na ko! Walang kayang umintindi sa totoong nararamdaman ko. Walang akong tinatago sa sarili ko, wala akong tinatago sa ibang tao, kung ano ako, yun na yung pinapakita ko! Gusto ko ng mamahinga…pagod na pagod na ko...gusto ko ng mamatay….

Need I say more about the title?

Isang Pagninilay sa Problem of Evil ni Clive Staples Lewis

Mabuting tantuin na nagiging ugat ng malalimang pag-iisip ng tao ang bawat bagay na kanyang dinaranas sa kanyang pamumuhay at kasama na rito ang kanyang mga nararamdamang pasakit at karamdaman. Kung ilalagay ito sa konteksto ng pagkakakilanlan ng tao na mayroon siyang isang Diyos, hindi ba magiging isang malaking kabalintunaan ang pag-iral ng magkalihis na konsepto ng pagmamahal at kabaitan ng Diyos at ang paghahari ng mga pasakit sa mundo. Hindi ba ang huling konsepto ang mas nararanasan ng tao? Sa kalagayang ito, pinasisinungalingan ba ang pag-iral ng Diyos o isa ba itong pagsasabi na hindi ganoon kaganap ang kapangyarihan ng Diyos, o isa itong paraan ng Diyos na ipakilala na Siya ay Siya nga sa kontekstong hindi kayang basta saklawin lamang ng pag-iisip ng tao ang kabuuan? Subukan nating tahakin ang huli, ang landas na tinahak ni Clive Staples Lewis.
Nagkakamali ang tao sa pananaw na magkapareho ang konteksto ng tao at ng Diyos sa pagtatamasa ng pag-ibig at kabutihan. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit kapag nakaranas na ng mabibigat na suliranin ang mga tao, may ilang abot-langit ang batong-sisi sa Diyos. Sa kabila ng lahat, ang muling pagkamulat ng ugnayan sa isang lumikha ang isa rin sa maaring kahinatnan ng mga pasakit. Ipinauubaya ng Diyos sa ayaw Niyang saklawang kalayaan ng tao ang pagpapasya. Sa puntong ito, ipinapakitang muli na sapat ang konsepto ng kabutihan ng Diyos upang mula sa pasakit, na masama kung titingnan sa mababaw na pananaw, magmula ang isang mas nakakataas na kabutihan. At para kay C. S. Lewis, ganyan ang pagmamahal ng Diyos na nagmumula sa kabutihan na huwag pabayaang maglunoy ang tao sa kamalian. Higit sa lahat, tinitingnan ang bawat pasakit na nararanasan ng tao na isang bagay na maglalapit sa kanya sa Diyos.
Noong musmos pa lamang ako, pinangarap kong magpunta sa bituing lagi kong tinitingan kapag gabi. Sabi kasi ng nanay, nasa bituing nagpapapansin sa akin ang isang anghel na tagapagtanod at gusto ko sana siyang puntahan. Lumipas ang mga taon at unti-unti kong binibitawan ang pangarap na ito hindi lang dahil sa pagkakatuto sa kawalan ng posibilidad na makapunta ako doon ngunit pati na rin sa pagkatakot na wala na rin pala doon ang hinahanap ko. Bakit ba may mga taong matapos makaranas ng isang matinding bugso ng pasakit ay sinisi ang Diyos o ayaw ng maniwala sa Diyos? Sa tingin ko ay nakaugat ang lahat sa pagkatakot, isang pagkatakot na habang napapalapit siya sa Diyos sa bawat oras na mararamdaman niya ang masasakit na karanasan ay noon pa niya unti-unting malaman na wala naman palang Diyos. At sa aking palagay, ito ang pinakamasakit, ang umasa ka na may Diyos at sa huli malaman mo na wala naman pala o wala ka ring ugnayang maasahan sa Kanya.
Mula rin sa karanasan at ang kakayahang mag-isip, nagagawa ng taong tumahi ng mga kuro-kuro na maaring tanggapin ng nakararaming tao na isang katotohanan sa paglipas ng panahon. Saan nga ba nakasalalay ang katotohanan, sa taong nag-iisip ba o sa bagay na akala ng taong alam niya? Ang kapangahasan ng tao na angkinin ang katotohanan sang-ayon sa kanyang pagdanas ay umabot maging sa hangganan ng ugnayan ng Diyos at ng tao. At sa aking palagay, ninais din ng Diyos na masilayan ng tao ang bahagya Niyang katotohanan para hindi bumitiw ang tao sa kabila ng mga pasakit na kanyang nararanasan sa pag-asa na mayroon ngang isang Diyos.

Ask and You shall Philosophize...

Yes, there are still so much to learn. All I forgot at times is to ask and ask.

A Crazy Love Affair

I just got a half year old pic with my former classmates...

What would you do if the one you intend to share your life with wants her friend to be that 'someone' for you? I know its quite puzzling but could you ever imagine how I feel everytime I try to be close to her and what she oftenly do is to push her friend nearer to me. Got it right? It makes you seem like a stupid jerk begging for something that is not supposed to be for you -- that is, if she determines everything... whew...

The Truth, The Mark and the Virtuous

In this world where the seeming battle between two extremes cannot be appeased, the fluctuation of reality would heavily depend upon the status quo. The variation of truth is heavily reliant on what was first thought. Think of societal old maids that seem to be the epitome of the conservation of morals or rather and more appropriately, they who established themselves as the proprietor of standards. How many times have we heard from them the phrase “during our time” as if it is the basis for everything? More than once, I suppose. But my point is not about the conflict of the then and the now or the past and the present. More so, it is the rift between the possible and the acquired truth.

Among the firsthand accounts of the Holy Scriptures and the book of Genesis in particular is the story of Adam and Eve. It has been an acquired truth for the majority of Catholics that all human race emanated from the said couple and consequently, we acquired from them as a hereditary share, our original sin. There were times that when I come to think about it, I would almost insist that God is so unfair to let the black spell of condemnation came over into entire humanity whereas in fact, only Adam and Eve ate the fruit that causes it all. However, the entrancing idea would give force into a deeper arena, it would easily be seen that the fault of inheriting the original sin is not really the fault of God but of mere persons dwelling on this earth.

Original sin is more of a potentiality than an actuality. It is actualized and put into being not in the literary sense of the world ‘hereditary’ which connotes a garnering of innate characteristics inherited from precursors. Rather and more appropriately, it is done in a way that man acts his way out of freedom committing every level of mature sinning against God, his neighbor and the worst, himself. From this standpoint, the basis of culture is grounded. It is because through his humane freedom, man is becoming what Marcilio Ficino together with other renaissance humanists would assert, “the sovereign maker of himself.”

Looking back upon the story of Adam and Eve, it is also well-known fact that Eve bore two sons in the names of Cain and Abel. Abel is described to be the one pleasing in God’s sight. Out of jealousy, Cain killed Abel. When this has been brought into attention of God, he marked Cain with a sign so that no one would touch him in his lifetime.

Quite essentially and a ready-made answer to the question that asks if who between Cain and Abel is better is no other than Abel. But the evolution of radical thought among the people across generations has presented much deviations of thinking about the believed matter of the story.

Among those who challenged a number of people to think twice is the Nobel Price winner, Hermann Hesse in his novel, “Demian.” “Demian” presents the story of Sinclair and his confusing connection to Demian. Both of them possess an extreme difference from the rest. This separating factor is the Mark of Cain. The mark is exposed in the span of the story as a sign of bravado and strong personality. Precursor to the underlying superiority of the mark is the idea that God really favors the brave one, Cain rather than Abel. That is why God endowed the mark to Cain and his descendants, which are not merely the meek and the humble, but those who have a strong type of personality that emanates from within.

The idea is highly reminiscent of what Nietzsche is trying to point out about the real ancient notion of the virtuous and good, which includes bravery and courage. The point is that there has been a manipulation of the virtuous that has been visibly manifested in the switch of the virtuous as an argumentum ad misericordiam. This seeks to imply that those who have lesser capacities are the receivers of God’s mercy, which is not the case in the time of the ancients. This further implies the sensationalism of the les miserables, not just in money but also in spirit as well, a clear sophistry in the time of those who established the ancient notions of the virtuous.

Man has the capacity to make possible what has long lived as impossible. He has the capacity to construct myths out of mere fragments just like in the case of Abel and Cain, an everlasting battle of who really had the favor of God. It is tantamount to saying that battle between the brothers has not ended by a stab of Cain to Abel but it is continuously in progress as man thinks of how to achieve superiority through an era of novelty and of power. Our beliefs of the past would heavily be tainted by new colors behind the threshold of what has been.

A Love so Deep yet so Shattered

Have you ever heard of “vertigo”? You may easily assume that what am I referring here is its mere definition as the fear of falling. It may be true in a sense but I want us to explore further depths in the light of the term. According to Milan Kundera – author of The Unbearable Lightness of Being – it is beyond the simplicity suggested by the definition. When we are on top of a building looking down, there is a resilient voice calling us from the abyss to at least dare to jump. This voice is so tempting and insistent that we feel a feeling of attraction to at least try and experience the feeling of a free falling object. However, the seemingly joyful feeling of weightlessness is not what matters most. It is more important to bear the importance of our weight when we hit the ground. It is as if embodying an affirmation that we have thus really existed. But we would just keep our hands under our chin on wondering how does it really feels to fall?
I think the message of this simple idea is not to encourage us to feel the literal falling. Mostly, it would lead us to the catastrophes of life, a time when we are caught between choices to make up for ourselves, to jump or to remain wondering in the rest of your damn life what you would have felt if you just tried. And no other concrete feeling of falling is characterized by love.
I have this friend of mine who always dares to ask me about love and if it is quite worth our momentary existence because it is something that certainly ends and if it ends, it is necessarily painful. Her sentiment is common to all of us not because pain is the real score of love but because most of us are cowards. We are cowards not to love but to pain so reservation in our part is turning to be a must when it comes to loving.
According to Erich Fromm, Love has two natures: the other being the fatherly love and another being the motherly love. Motherly love is unconditional. It is built on one’s own capacity to love, to love one’s wholeness no matter what. It is the type of love that accepts everything. On the other hand, fatherly love is conditional. It must be deserved and somebody must work out to get it. It is built on the capacity to reason. This does not necessarily mean that a person shall possess only one of those two. Striking a balance is essential. Love conquers resilient sentiments and misparallelisms. It crosses borders of differences but it also requires the right things to be done. It sometimes requires the condition of pain, of mispleasures and misunderstandings.
Mixture of both nature leads to love’s perfection. You can only say that you have loved if you felt the pain. It is rewarding in certain respects but it seeks responsibility in the other. Clive Staples Lewis have furthered the problem of pain by reconciling it to love. Love is perfection in itself but why does it gives pain which is not a perfection? Keeping track in this premise is the idea of the perfect love endowed by God. God, who is the perfect love Himself, allows pain to draw on our lives because it draws us closer to him, to perfection. The pain attributed to love makes us better lovers.
We are made by God out of his great love and we feel its pain out of great love too. It is just the mere proof of love’s existence in us. You may not agree with me for the mean time but rest assured the vertigo of loving is just around the corner, so deep yet so shattered. Even if it sounds of melancholic paradoxes, it is worth a try than to stare and wonder what it feels like to love and be loved in return for the rest of your life.

someone who is afraid to be left behind.

"I'm on the skyways about to knock on the door towards reality... Would it open for me? Would somebody let me in? Would I even know what's beyond that door? Or would I be left behind flying with a single wing driven by insanity? "

Once more, I am battling over my paranoia... I can still remember how Fr. Norman Baldoz, my former formator when I was still in Immaculate Conception Seminary, assures me that I would never be left behind.

Yeah right... I'm 21 and yet I do not know the path I am on to... How could I expect to know the end? What is meant for me?

Happy Birthday Fr. Norman!!!

I never thought she wears multiple earings...

It's quite amusing how people seemed to fall in first times (or the second) of very very brief encounters. It's more stupid to conclude and say "finally" or "she's the one I'm looking for." (Whew, is this for real? I'm in love) Stupid!!!!! Lol.... And shame on me but I'm referring to a group where I belong.

I can still remember how I went through my "relationships-to-be." (yeah, if its right to claim that I really went through. What makes it more horrible is the fact that when the time comes that I'm on the final stage of making out if I should court the person or not, there would always be this little difference that would require me to "Back-off!" hehehe...

It was not long ago when I met this girl in my new university. All i can say is she is really pretty and intelligent, and girl friend material kung tutuusin. (Long hair, simple yet irresistible, intelligence and besides, her seldom presence is making my heart beat up to the dregs.) That was my first impression. Time would tell that the magic that I have mistaken for as to that of love is turning to be a damn joker in my life. (I'm not saying that I'm not in love with her now but I'm damn confused.) whew...

Why? I never imagined that I would have a girlfriend with multiple earrings and besides she sometimes act more masculine than me... Lol... (With regards to the latter, its pretty cute. She seems to be the cute sassy girl or an Angel Locsin in a 'Click' character making her way to be more attractive.

To cut the long story short, history would have to tell that she's not my dream girl. But I'm not throwing her out of my life because I feel something about her and I am really taking a hard time how to cope about it. She's a punk, more of an Avril Lavigne character. But I'm a conyo in my own right. Should I court her? Would extremes meet? Would opposites attract? In what point? How I wish...

Well, the one in the picture is not her.

She's my friend, she-she.

Remaining Tagged

Kung puwedeng erase na lang lahat and then restart, at least, alam ko na ang dapat kong gawin sa buhay ko. But when reality speaks, I can only remain vigilant not torepeat same mistakes, to live extending the best of my abilities, and to go on loving those who really love me. I don't know why it is very easy for me to trust anybody even if some are unworthy of trust. I am easily tamed. I easily fall... Yah, i might have been living in a basket of excuses, closing myself to pretend that I'm a just a lifeless junk. That's not all. All is here, breathing ang living. I know what's right and what's not but I don't know how to keep the first one.

Of Dungbombs and Forbidden Files

Can anyone please tell me how stupid am I? Lol. I really am...

The Sexual Jeopardy

I still can't understand how things go while most persons are busy disposing human nature in its proper place. We know very well that each and every huiman being is physically and internally sexual. There would always be this great tension of attraction that draws a person to advance things on another person. How could some successfully tame it while others cannot? What could have been the avenue of those people not expressing their sexual desires? I dunno. lol. I am just a young boy -unexperienced?- wondering how things go with other persons living with me in this damn sexual world. Even our phantasms are tainted with sexuality and only hypocrites and liers cannot claim that even ones in their lives, they have felt that strong urge" jeopardizing' (wink) our being. Hehehe...

A tiring night.... hehehe... got to go... Doctors insist, going to mass is recommended. Just make sure that the priest is not an eyecatcher like me.. REMEMBER, you must avoid temptation.. lol..

Just Blogging...

I don't exactly know what to write.. I just want to multiply my blog and show some pix...

THE EVERLASTING TANTRUM

Lost since the day I was born
To neglect the winding shore
And rage war to every scorn,
Of destiny, once found
Of life, once lost!

Leap, Neglect the Madness Foretold!
Bold and young,
Teary eyed and thirsty,
Lingering across the depths
Of the summers cold.

A fearless voyager,
Never to be found again clinging,
In the same waters upbringing
Or in the same shipWith kneeling sails.

The tantrum of a melancholic love,
And the feverish dove,
The scent of haste and wisdom unfrostedB
ares it all in an emotions eternal fall.

A Life untarnished,
Untainted by the deceit of fate;
To desire, live and bid
Amidst of everything;
A purity beneath the flame
Or to claim a rendezvous of death.

Everything indeed... Just to find you.


I know that it is quite annoying to know that for some reason, I can never be so sure that somebody would read this. Some may call it a mess. But fate might anyhow pronounce me as the next Pablo Neruda. Who knows? Yes, my ultimate dream is to be a famous writer. And I can never be one unless somebody would dare to read my work. Can this be my step to have a nobel prize? All I can say is "who knows?"